October 2, 2022

Life Goes On

It was a week ago today that a friend called to tell me about Jonathan and Justin, it seems an eternity.  So much has happened.  Tears, hugs, prayers, and a pouring out of love the likes of which I have never experienced before.

The Gwins went to Justin’s viewing and hugged the other parents. I don’t think I could have done that. A part of me wants to blame them for not being better parents.  These joyrides had been going on for a couple of weeks, once I could understand, but this seems like outright negligence.  Where were you Mom and Dad??  I ache for the life Justin had on earth, for the attention he craved at any expense, for what he didn’t know he was missing. But with a friend like Jonny, and his family I think Justin saw what family life could be, should be.

I have never been an openly religious person.  My beliefs are held inside under lock and key.  I see now that I have been holding onto them like a collectable toy.  Too valuable to open and play with.  It sits in my heart gathering dust. What fun is a toy you can’t play with or share with your friends?  It’s time to open my heart, pull away the cobwebs and be grateful for the joy of God in my heart. I pray that God will help me shed my shame of sharing Him with others, the fear of being labeled a Jesus freak or religious fanatic.  The fear that people will view me with the same eyes that I view those televangelists whose manners exude hypocrisy.  I doubt I will ever become one of those persons who responds with "Amen" at church, or who can openly hold their arms up while singing His praise, but God knows it is in my heart and I will try to do better.

They say life goes on, but I want more than I had before. To semi-quote Nike’s ad, " I want to be like..the Gwins."

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